50 Shades of Grey Review: The Worst Movie To See This Valentines Day / Mature Audience Crushed


50 Shades of Grey’s New York City premiere that we were invited to was exciting. The cast was here, and so were screaming  hormonal fangirls and more mature women (mostly mature women). 50 Shades of Grey has been the topic of fangirls worldwide who have been craving their metropolis and rather far-fetched erotica from the popular novelist E.L. James. Being part of a larger trilogy, the first iteration of Fifty Shades of Grey is utterly terrible in terms of not just the acting, but also the storyline in general.

Despite not being a personal fan of the novels, especially after having read the first one, I can see the allure for the sexually repressed teenagers / older women past a certain prime worldwide. Most of the target audience of Fifty Shades of Grey remains primarily women in their 35+ age group according to research done. The novel itself is about an ‘innocent’ virgin girl Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) who has never had sex with any man, but decides to sign a contract with Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) who also happens to be a neurotically creepy and utterly weird millionaire with a penchant for bondage.

After the presumed innocent Anastasia, who has never had sex before for reasons we never entirely know or whether or not she even had opportunities, signs a contract with Christian, she gives it all up for this random guy and his money. He promises to be loyal to her, even if nothing substantial will ever come from it and she’s A-OK with that (remember she’s innocent?). Like the truly innocent women she is as the movie portrays, Anastasia loves exploring bondage with a complete stranger and the journey begins rampantly for her.

The novel itself at least to me is very utterly terrible. I strive to be as unbiased as humanly possible in my reviews of anything as my lovely readers know, and this is no exception. 50 Shades of Grey has an audience that love it, and I am almost certain they will hate the movie as it just simply cannot compound the inherent thoughts and seductive words of Anastasia Steele’s thoughts without overdoing a voice over per scene. The movie is relatively very tame compared to the book, with a rating of Restricted. In a way, I prefer it this way, as I cannot honestly see this being any other rating other than AO (bordering on pornography) if women/fans of this book were hoping that it would do the book justice. Seriously ladies?

Despite what it does have going for it in its Hollywoodization (my own term for this), the acting is horrible and the plot is even more unbearable on screen than the book itself.

Rating: 0.5/5

Hey, my name is Stuart Blair and I live in Paisley in Scotland.

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