I hate advertisements. They’re misleading, they’re inaccurate and, above all, they suck. But, every once and a while one comes along that just rubs me in such a way that I feel like buying whatever it is they’re selling. Here’s an advertisement for Army of Two on Ebay and it’s so awesome that I feel like buying it, even though I don’t even own the system.

I bought this game this morning, beat it this afternoon.

Im not going to lie to my fellow ebayers and gamers here, the game is pretty much a steaming pile of goat feces. The single player campaign is shallow, the storyline is bland, the dialog sounds like it was written by a dyslexic 4 year old…strung out on Ritalin. Also, it is much too short (5 hours of gameplay, give me a break) and some areas are overly difficult to complete on any difficulty. I would much rather have someone smash both my hands with a jack hammer than play this again.

The online gameplay is convoluted, it has its redeeming qualities and good ideas such as the 1 vs. 1 vs. 1 (terrorists vs. xbox live team vs. xbox live team) aspect of the map layouts. This all, however, goes out the window under any scenario when the person over xbox live you play with is a douche stain.

The only thing that redeems this game is playing coop with a friend and customizing your weapons sans the stupid “pimping” aspect of it.

Honestly, your time is better spent playing World of Warcraft…zing.

What if all advertisements were like this? Then maybe people wouldn’t be so pissed off when they saw them.
Army of Two For Xbox 360 - More like Army of Jew [Ebay pic]

The story of Army of Two takes place across 16 years, centering on Elliott Salem and Tyson Rios, two battle-hardened former Army Rangers that join the private sector as mercenaries for hire. Following their former commander Dalton to Security and Strategy Corporation, or SSC, Salem and Rios are dispatched across the globe to “take care of problems” in war zones while raking in large sums of cash. However, as time goes by, both Salem and Rios start to notice that a number of leaks and secrets seem to coincide with their missions as well as a Bill in Congress to fully privatize the military. Trying to get their heads around what’s going on, Salem and Rios fight their way through battlefields in a tale of betrayal, conspiracy and revenge. Army of Two has great visuals and excellent graphics with tons to do. The gameplay is great, with precision controls and the works. The only issue comes up with sensitivity, which can be fixed quite easily. As for the two player co-op, it’s definitely a challenge but manages to pull off a great blend of co-op tactics. Upgrading your weapons is a cool feature, but not being able to pick up enemy weapons plainly put: sucks.

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